Two years ago, my dad lost his battle to glioblastoma. A fancy name for brain cancer. This is my story. My story of loss, heart break, grief and learning to get back up and walk again.
“Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.” Luke 6:21
THE GRIEF OF BEING TOLD OF A SERIOUS ILLNESS.
I was driving home from the grocery store when I received a call from my dad. He had driven himself to the ER because he was having trouble with his speech. I was on speaker phone when the doctor walked in and said it was brain cancer. My heart sank as I rushed to the hospital to be by my dad’s side. In the blink of an eye my world turned upside down. One simple phone call changed everything.
“I lift up my eyes to the mountain - Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip; he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalms 121:1-3
THE GRIEF OF GUILT.
I can’t explain the pain of watching the strongest man you have ever known slowly fade. At first, it was just mixing up a few words. Then motor skills became more difficult and daily tasks became challenging. I prayed. I begged God for healing. And as days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, life changed as we knew it. Dad lost his ability to talk, to feed himself, to walk. He became confined to a hospital bed. In the midst of the pain, I just kept moving, trying to do all I possibly could.
“Give all your worries to Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
THE GRIEF OF A LOSS OF A DREAM.
The doctors had done all they could. Even after brain surgery, many rounds of radiation, seizure meds, insulin, chemo pills and various other treatments, the cancer continued to rapidly spread. On our last visit to the hospital, the doctors left the room and my husband followed close behind. I knew why he was following. He was asking the question I needed the answer to but was too afraid to ask. Moments later I walked down the hallway of the hospital, stood beside my husband and asked, “How long?” “Two months,” he replied. We stood in that hallway and my husband held me tight as I cried from the pit of my soul. It wasn’t fair. Life isn’t fair.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
THE GRIEF OF A LOSS OF A RELATIONSHIP, THE LOSS OF A LIFE.
We made arrangements with hospice and took dad home, the only place he wanted to be. The next couple months were tough. I knew we were taking dad home to die. My dad wouldn’t be there when my daughter walked down the aisle in just a few short months. He would never meet my grandchildren. His grandchildren would miss his giddy-up rides, political talks and watching westerns from his favorite recliner. Friends would miss his smile and his company. My mother would miss her best friend and I would miss my dad.
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
DRAW COMFORT FROM GOD, FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
I struggled with God’s decision. I struggled with being angry at God. I’ll even admit that I came to a place where prayer hurt. Thankfully, I had a great support system from our church family and friends. They sat with me while dad had surgery, brought meals, gifts, words of encouragement and prayed over me while I spoke at dad’s funeral. They had faith when I was weak. They prayed over me when I couldn’t find the words. They lifted me up when I didn’t have the strength. They prayed me through some of the darkest days of my life.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
OUR HOPE.
Remember, our hope lies in Jesus Christ. Dad’s cancer was a mountain that God chose not to remove. Instead, He chose to faithfully walk beside us every step of the way. I was blessed and honored to spend every day of those five months caring for my dad. But I could not have done it without my faith and hope in Jesus Christ.
“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8
If you are going through a season of grief, I pray you will know God’s presence, feel his peace and draw comfort in knowing God is good. Grief isn’t just death. Divorce, loss of a relationship, injury, miscarriage, loss of a job, illness, death of a pet, loss of a dream—they all bring grief. And during times of grief, we go through many emotions—denial, anger, resentment, depression, acceptance, fear, guilt, and we may even experience physical symptoms.
Learn to acknowledge your grief. We all grieve differently and in our own time. So, take time to grieve, seek professional help if needed and cry when you’re sad. It's okay to cry.
“Jesus wept.” John 11:35
Written by: Lori Lamb