It was 3:15 a.m. The cursor on the screen of my laptop sat blinking at me. Quietly at first. Patiently even. Slowly it was as if the cursor became tapping fingers strumming a slow dance across a table. Suddenly it appeared to be blinking faster, and faster growing impatient, waiting for me to bring my thoughts to some sort of grammatical order. Even as the words began to appear letter by letter across the screen the realization that it would never be fully satisfied brought a sigh of relief even though the thoughts swirling inside my head and heart threatened to become a tornado. I uttered a quick prayer of thanksgiving and a desperate plea for help.
I was asked to contribute to our church’s blog. Yet, here I was, unable to calm my racing heart enough to compose anything that would make sense, let alone be of any value to help someone else. I asked myself why on earth I would agree to this. I began to tell myself I don’t belong in the group of contributors. I’m a mess. I’m this. I’m that. I don’t have time. On and on I went with this tug of war. Finally, tears welled up and threatened to become a waterfall.
At that moment the Holy Spirit reminded me of so many others who were flawed just like me whom God used. He reminded me that He uses our flaws, our experiences, and our trials, to bring glory to Him and to testify to others. He uses our talents, our personalities, and our situations for His glory. We are right where we’re supposed to be and there’s a purpose in it. If we’d just allow Him to show us. To use us. If we would just trust Him.
I’ve recently had an answer to something I’ve been praying about for a long time. However, that answer hasn’t come exactly how I’d imagined it would. In fact, I feel like it’s created a new thing to pray about. As I sort through this I’m reminded that God is sovereign and that His timing is perfect. That His purpose is beyond my human ability to understand. That He’s using my experience to not only draw me closer to Him, but so I can help others facing the same struggles. I’m grateful that my life isn’t perfect, that I’m flawed because I’m sad to say, I probably wouldn’t cling to Him. I’m grateful He chooses to use me despite my shortcomings because He gets the glory!
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9
“For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.” Colossians 1:16
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
“He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
Because of Jesus,
Michelle Skillern