Another February roles around, another Valentine’s Day, another wedding invitation or engagement post on Facebook; all serve as reminders of our singleness. I don’t know about you, but I was hoping to get married right out of college. I didn’t want to live life alone – we were not created to live that way. However, things didn’t work out, and here I am a couple years later no closer to marriage than I was before.
Our society seemingly revolves around romantic relationships. It is the focal point of the majority of movies/shows we watch, songs we listen to, or novels we read. As singles, we are always asked if we have any potential love interests on the horizon. Doubts start to creep in that we aren’t as attractive or as mature or as loving as our friends who are already married. It can be tempting to fall into the “woe is me” mindset and spend our days waiting until we finally get married. Our hope is often focused on one day when we finally meet the one.
I have wrestled with dating, relationships, and singleness a lot the past few years. Thankfully, by the grace of God, I can now say I am content being single. Don’t get me wrong – I would like to be married one day. However, I have come to find so much joy, contentment, purpose, and love in this season of my life, and I give thanks for being single all the time. God has taught me and grown me in many ways to get to this point, so I would like to share four key ways that I’ve found contentment in singleness. My prayer is that this post would be an encouragement and challenge to my fellow single brothers and sisters in Christ.
1. Community
As I said earlier, we were not created to live life alone. God created us as relational beings. He calls us to love one another (John 13:34). Thankfully, you do not have to be in a romantic relationship to love and be loved. When I went through a break-up last March, I felt the lack of community in my life. I no longer had a person to talk to every night, to hang out with on the weekends, etc. Instead of wallowing in loneliness, I signed up to volunteer in the children’s ministry at my church. I started going to a small group with many people in a similar stage of life. On Friday nights I started attending an international ministry through my church as well.
While it was hard at first (as relationships take time and effort to build), I now have a thriving community of people to show love to and to be loved by. I am so grateful for the blessing of the body of Christ. I am able to serve, love, encourage, and do life with the people in my church family, and they love, encourage, challenge, and serve me right back. It is amazing to see where I am this year vs. where I was last year due to getting plugged in at my local church.
Challenge: If you are feeling the lack of meaningful relationships in your life, get involved in your local church. Don’t give up when you don’t have the depth of relationships you are looking for right away!
2. Thanksgiving
I was eating tacos with some friends this week as two of us were sharing the struggles of dating and singleness with a married couple. At a lull in the conversation, my married friend looked at us and said, “Guys, being single is not that bad.” At first it struck me as kind of insensitive. She has a godly husband, a beautiful baby, a nice home in a good neighborhood, and delicious tacos. However, she discussed with us the blessing of having an undivided devotion to the Lord in singleness that Paul talks about (see 1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
While she has many blessings that my single friends and I are without, we also have specific blessings that married folks do not have. To this end I give thanks. I am thankful for the simplicity of my current stage of life, that I am able to channel my devotion on the Lord, and for the time and flexibility to serve Him and His children in a wide variety of ways. “Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Challenge: Instead of focusing on what you are missing in your life, I encourage you to give thanks daily for the season God has given you now and the opportunities you have.
3. Purpose
One day I was talking to a friend about how lonely Sunday lunches were for me. I always grew up eating Sunday lunch with my family, but when I moved to West Lafayette, I would go straight from the fellowship of seeing people at church to eating a plate of leftovers silently on my couch. Instead of telling me she empathized with me or that my situation was hard, she said, “Dude, having free Sunday lunches is an opportunity and a resource!” She didn’t give me sympathy, but rather challenged me to look to serve others with the resources God has given me now.
Since then, I have been inviting others to my apartment for lunch. I typically invite other singles who also would be eating alone, but I branch out to couples and families as well. I’ll toss some food in the slow cooker before church (or the night before) and go around asking people at church if they’d like a meal afterwards. My apartment is small, but we sit on chairs, the couch, and the floor to share a meal and many laughs together. I can tell that my hospitality, although limited, has touched the hearts of many people, and I am thankful for my friend’s challenge to steward my time well.
Beyond Sunday lunch, this season of singleness has allowed me to teach, coach, mentor, be mentored, volunteer in many ways, spend time with lots of friends, and reach out to new people I meet at church. I know that if I had a family, my time would be more limited. If I realize someone I know is struggling, I can switch my plans for the day at the blink of an eye and go where I feel like God would be most glorified. I see God working through me, and it excites me.
We must realize that our purpose is way larger than ourselves. 2 Corinthians 5:15 says, “And he [Christ] died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again” (emphasis mine). Our time on this side of eternity is short. Let us focus our minds on sharing the gospel, making disciples, knowing God, glorifying Him, and holding on to the hope of the grace that will be brought to us at the revelation of Jesus Christ (1 Peter 1:13). In the morning, may we wake up, pray that we might honor the Lord with our day, and fill our minds with Scripture, podcasts, music, etc. that turn our hearts towards Him.
Challenge: Instead of feeling lonely and waiting to meet someone to spend time with, use your time, money, and relationships to serve others.
4. Trust
I was struggling with a relationship a couple of years ago and ended up receiving some Biblical counseling regarding the matter. To my surprise, the woman told me that my problem was that I didn’t trust God’s sovereignty. What a thing to say to a life-long Christian! I thought she was going to help me get married, but instead she focused on my relationship with the Lord. She had me memorize Romans 8:28-29:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” (emphasis mine)
I needed to trust that God was working for my good, and that whatever happened, He was going to use it to make me more like His Son, Jesus. In other words, I do not have to be fearful of the future because God loves me and is helping me become more godly through each circumstance.
If I truly believe in his love and power, I can relinquish the fear that I need to make a relationship work because it might be my last opportunity. I can relinquish the fear that I am going to mess up God’s plan for me, because I am not powerful enough to do that. I can relinquish the fear that I am not good enough to receive the blessings that others around me have received, because God’s love is not based on my works. God will fulfill His purpose in my life.
One of my favorite verses of all time is Proverbs 16:9, which says “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” As I have grown in my trust in the Lord, I have grown in my peace in His plan for me. What I need to focus on is following Him faithfully day by day, and glorifying Him as best as I can.
Challenge: If you are struggling to trust in God’s love and sovereignty over your life, I encourage you to memorize and meditate on Romans 8:28-29, Proverbs 3:5-6, and Proverbs 16:9. Remind yourself of these truths, and pray that the Lord would give you the peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).
Friends, I hope this post encouraged and challenged you to cherish and steward this season of your life. We often joke about not wanting to receive the “gift of singleness”, but the truth is that we all have the gift of singleness at some point in our life. If you are single now, that is the gift the Lord has given you for the time being. Let’s glorify Him as much as we can each day keeping eternity always in mind and trusting in His love, plan, timing, and purpose for each of our lives.
This blog was originally published on Allison White’s website. Click here to read more of her work.